Welcome To Tiger Town


Son, when I was your age, we didn’t have MTV!

This just in from another exasperated parent & friend of mine!

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious

diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with

walking twenty-five miles to school every morning, uphill BOTH

ways; yadda, yadda, yadda! And I remember promising myself that

when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap

like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that… I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but

look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean,

compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve

got it. I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet. If we wanted to

know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up

ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a

pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the

mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3’s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to

hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had

to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk

over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and

somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that’s it! And we didn’t

have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea

who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie,

your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn’t know!!! You had to

pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with

high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like

‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’ and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a

little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were

no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you

could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster

and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there was no such thing as stadium

seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old

broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn’t see, you were just

screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then, there was only like 15

channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to

use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were

screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and

walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon

Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning! Do you

hear what I’m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled

little brats!

And we didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had

to use the stove or go build a frigging fire … imagine that! If we

wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it

over the stove forever like an idiot.

That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too

easy. You’re spoiled!!!!!!!!!

You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1970!

Oh yea, and a seatbelt was Mom throwing her arm across your chest every

time she hit the brakes.

Regards,

The over 30 Crowd

PS: Happy 11th B’day, Master Ashton!
Love,
Mom